Far Fetched
by defend it
Summary: This fic has many things that are considered far fetched, aka things I would love to see in the books, but will never happen. Most important, the pairing, DMHG. A little silly for it's own good. Pre HBP
1. Chapter 1

A Poetic Potion Prologue

In a large barely-lit cave, on an uncharted island, in the middle of an unknown, stormy sea there lay a bed, a chair, several newspapers clippings, a trash can and a very odd looking desk. Everything was pretty damp because the stormy sea often had very high tides. This desk was extremely unorganized. Quills were scattered about, the drawers filled with numerous papers in various languages, and the rubbish bin was overflowing with crumpled up pieces of paper and a bunch of magical candy wrappers. On the very center of this desk lay a piece of parchment that looked like the owner had once crumpled it up and chucked it. Then probably days later, realized they needed it and attempted to smooth it out. The top looked like it was torn off and what was left of the writing was in a barely understandable font, the exact definition of chicken scratch. Whatever was visible read this:

_The bravery of a Gryffindor, _

_The intelligence of a Ravenclaw,_

_The wit of a Slytherin,_

_And the -erm- left kidney of a Hufflepuff._

_This is all you will need,_

_To dispose all the contents of a magical school called Hogwarts (the finest teachers of witchcraft and wizardry)._

_The items are easy to find,_

_The lives easy to spare,_

_The only trick is, these listed attributes the four students must bear:_

_The Gryffindor must be smart,_

_The Ravenclaw must be strange,_

_The Slytherin must be loved,_

_The Hufflepuff must be slightly deranged._

_Find these things and you will find glory,_

_Brew this potion and things will get a tad bit gory._

The bottom was signed, but there was a very big whole in the parchment, due to water damage by the looks of it, and the only letters that you could see from the signature were "ore". And under that, in quotations there was presumably the nickname for the author, "the goat shepherd" ...

**A/N: Remember, this is just the prologue, that's why it is so short and has nothing to do with the HP kids... sort of. Don't hesitate to review, even if it's criticism. I bask in criticism. If criticism were a good looking man, I'd marry it.**


	2. Chapter 2

The Cliff Over Hell

From the corner of her eye, Hermione watched from the reflection in the window of her Potions class, the light red dust sparkle on its way down toward her cauldron. It was almost a magnificent sight, how the powder dropped in slow motion, how awaiting her bubbling cauldron stood. WAIT. Her cauldron, her cauldron full of the Euphoria Elixir they were supposed to be brewing. No! She could not let it happen. This unknown beastly powder must be stopped!

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Hermione yelled as she gloriously dove in front of her precious, precious potion, trying not to have any of this imaginably evil powder destroy her masterpiece.

It didn't work.

Her dive merely made only a half of the powder fall on her chest, while the other half landed straight into her potion. In shock the very-curly haired witch pulled the text book out of dumbfounded Harry's hands and tried to find the identity of this mysterious powder, so she could find something to counter it. She flipped the pages of _Advanced Potion Making _as if her life depended on it. If she didn't have this perfect Professor Snape would be after her, presumably taking as many Gryffindor points as he could and possibly flunking her on this assignment.

Ever since she had stepped back into the Potions classroom the week before, after forgetting her favorite quill, and walked in on Snape telling Filch to check on two certain students, which she didn't hear the names of..., and to report his findings only to him, Snape had been after her, thinking that she had learned too much. Hermione really didn't, truly care about their conversation, but that did not make a difference to the Potions master. She did not have to look for long. Hermione felt a burning sensation around her lower neck area.

_Why do these things always happen to me? _

She began to frantically scratch and scratch like a mad person with severe eczema.

Most unfortunate for Hermione, she was too caught up with the well- being of her potion that she did not notice the fact that everyone in the whole classroom was staring at her since her magnificent jump across her table.

"Um... Hermione? Sorry... I kinda just tripped over something and well, I was trying to sprinkle this on Malfoy, not you... Are you alright there?" mumbled Ron through his hand, shamelessly snickering. He was pointing at a small package brightly colored red and orange, The Weasley's Wizard Wheezes "Instant Scratch- Itch Powder" (make your enemies instantly and frantically scratch all over, or get yourself out of class for a day! ) She just glared at him.

_How was Ron able to pass O.WL.S while performing ill-advised pranks during class? _

Hermione had thought his behavior would change now that they were in N.E.W.T level, but once again she had jumped to the wrong conclusion about him.

"Well Granger, I'll take the liberty and assume that the Weasel here has touched you in a rather naughty place and that you are trying to get rid of any dead-skin cells that might be left," sneered Draco, as he walked across the room to see what all the commotion was about by himself. "I really wouldn't blame you."

"Malfoy will you ever sod off?" replied Ron.

"Funny Weasley, how you always reply with the same phrase. Really, it's getting old now," Draco sat on Hermione's desk, stole her quill, and pocketed it. The witch didn't even notice.

"And anyways, I was trying to commit a public service act here. No one wants to see you two _at_ it. Personally, I would turn into a crazed lunatic and murder any couple that consisted of a Weasel and a Beaver, if I ever laid eyes on you groping each other."

"Me and Hermione weren't...How could you say such a thing...wrong accusations... that's it Malfoy, that's the last straw!"

"Straw? Are you going on about the material that your house was built by?" Ron's face now looked like the color of a freshly picked tomato. He took a fierce step towards Malfoy when, Harry held him back, with one arm, obviously used to this series of actions, while stirring his potion.

"Harry... just this one time please let me pound his puny, pastie self!"

"Ron, hes not worth the hair on your back." Harry muttered, quite bored with the turn of events.

"I do not have any bloody hair on my bloody back!"

"Yes you do Ron, I've been lucky enough to see it." As Ron and Harry continued to bicker they did not notice Malfoy loose interest at being a bully for once and walk back to his table mouthing "old married-couple", while Hermione focused on madly scratching and looking through the text book.

"Anything...Anything..." she muttered to herself while drastically flipping through the pages at top speed trying to find anything that would fix her potion. As the fateful gods would have it, she found nothing.

"Miserable teenagers who make me me despise my self for calling you 6th year Hogwarts students, stop what you are doing and I will come around and check your Elixirs. And if they are not up to par, you will be doing a 5 foot essay on exactly how to make a Euphoria Elixir and the effects of it. That's 5 foot essays with small handwriting. Make it 6 if you print large." Professor Snape's usual demoralizing speech made all of his students shift in their seats a little. But Hermione was freaking out.

She was sweating and nervous as if she were standing on a cliff that was about to break into the depths of hell.

Snape walked around the classroom, peering into students cauldrons muttering "pass" or "fail" and the occasional "excellent" and "you really should start writing that essay."

"Zabini- pass, Malfoy- excellent, Potter- ... surprisingly pass for the first time in your life, at this point gasps were heard all through the room, Snape had _passed_ Harry, Finnigan- fail, Granger- pass as always- wait ..." Snape stopped, doubled back and stared at her cauldron. Hermione's Euphoria was supposed to be green colored and simmering softly. Instead it was bright red, bubbling ferociously and occasionally shooting out sparks.

"Miss Granger I can honestly say that I am very surprised. I think- no- I _know _this day will always be remembered. Hermione Granger you fail, go get started on your essay, 20 points from Gryffindor and a week of extra-potions lessons. " he giggled- yes - giggled and "passed" everyone else, including Neville, after Hermione. She sat horror struck, her face looked as if she found out that The Dark Lord was pep upped and alive again, her lips forming a little "o". Sheer terror, Unbelievable dread, and panicky thoughts of jumping out the window were flowing through her mind. She failed. She failed.

The small piece of rock on the cliff she was standing on broke, and Hermione fell head-first into the fiery depths.

"Class dismissed. Ha He Ha He He Ha."

Snape's horrible laugh still rang in Hermione's ear after her Ron and Harry left for Dinner.

* * *

Hermione walked into the Great Hall . Something was wrong. Was it just her or was there fewer people and more empty spaces in the room? She looked around. No. It was just that everyone was sitting extremely close to one another. She felt a little sick as she watched two Hufflepuffs mushing face in a corner.

_That must have left a mark... _

"Ron this is all your fault." yelled Hermione as she sat down, stony faced.

"What did I do now?"

"If you hadn't tried to make Malfoy itchy, which was an awful plan, I wouldn't have failed, been given tutor lessons by god- knows- who and an essay. " She shuddered as she said the awful words. Except the bit about the essay. She didn't really mind that...

" Well, Ginny told me to do it!"

"If Ginny told you to give the finger to the Bloody Baron, would you do it?"

"No but Hermione, it's more than that, somebody tripped me! Why else would this have happened. You know what ? I bet somebody stuck out their foot under Harry's invisibility cloak, -Didn't you say it had been missing Harry-, and tripped me to sabotage your stupid potion. Plus if Malfoy started scratching everywhere, we could call him itchy- twitchy little ferret." replied Ron, stuffing his face with chicken and grinning at the though of having something mildly witty to say.

"Hermione, why don't you sit down and eat. You really don't look to well. Ron, don't you think that your "story" is a little far-fetched? And this has nothing to do with my cloak being missing, believe me." intervened Harry, trying to keep neutral in the war zone which was the foot between Hermione and Ron.

"Harry, what do you mean you lost your cloak? I specifically remember Dumbledore saying to "use it well". How did you loose it anyway?" said Hermione to nervous about the present situations to eat anything.

"Hermione...um what? How do I...um I really have no...why do you ask? How dare you presume such things of me and Ginny in the Astronomy Tower!" Harry looked around wide-eyed staring at Hermione suspiciously.

Hey, Hermione, Ron, Harry," said Ginny as she strolled towards their part of the table, smiling and giggling at a beet red Harry, while sucking on a sugar quill "Hermione why are you so late? I thought I saw you walking out of the Common Room an hour ago."

"I was working on an essay for Potions in the library, I never really understood how fascinating Euphoria Elixirs can be, I mean except for the excessive singing and nose-tweaking...-"

Needless to say everyone around Hermione stopped listening at that point, so it would be tiresome to read of Hermione talking of the beloved potion.

"Oh! Harry I almost forgot! I have your cloak! I think I accidentally took it with me to my dormitory... is it OK if I keep i for a while? Harry, it's just so cool." interrupted Ginny, winking at Harry. He had a drunken stupor about him as he nodded a 'yes'.

**A/N: The next chapter will be called "A Malfoy, Most Foul" ... review! Oh, and meet my fiancee', his name is 'Creative C. Riticism'**


	3. Chapter 3

A Malfoy, Most Foul

One hour was the exact amount of time Draco had been sitting down by the fireplace looking, or rather, pretending to be looking sad. One hour, and nobody came up to him and asked why. People in Slytherin house usually came to him continuously asking if he wanted any thing, or if the pillow he was sitting on needed fluffing, or if the temperature in the common room was to his liking. He was the self-proclaimed Slytherin Prince, and was a _Malfoy _for cripes' sakes. Draco was above _royalty _when it came to the other Slytherins. So why on this damnable planet named earth would they ignore him!

He decided to gaze woefully at his peers and figure out the exact cause of this behavior of his so -called friends.

The unusually dark atmosphere for the Slytherin common room was now even more obscure because of the main lamps being extinguished. The only light was made by minuscule candles lining the walls, which gave the eerie feeling of being alone even though Draco was sure people surrounded him. Apparently Millicent and Nott thought darkness was extremely romantic since they were snogging like starving monkeys who were eating each other alive. Not wanting to gag at the gruesome sight before him, Draco quickly gazed around the room for someone to help him with taunting a first year or to faun over him, preferably the latter.

"Whoever said that Slytherins were cunning folk must have used the same phrase for Cornish pixies," he muttered under his breath, careful that no one would hear him. But as he continued to stare at his fellow Slytherins, he realized that they probably would not notice if he screamed this, a long with cursing them, their ancestors and the Dark Lord himself.

They were all very passionately occupied in snogging. Snog- fest. Snog-o-Rama. Carnival- De - Snogging. Didn't any body need air, water, and privacy? Apparently not. It was like some sort of teenage sex drive had come to the Common Room and was reorganizing people's priorities. Needless to say, snogging was priority number 1. And Draco was just sitting there; his shoulders slumped back against the hard wood of the chair, utterly by himself.

Its not as if the blond could not get girls. He could get many girls but all in this room happened to be Slytherin. Draco didn't like Slytherin girls very much and didn't indulge in midnight rendezvous with them unless forced to by unholy desires. They were demanding, always asked too many questions and were just not very attractive. He could get other girls too (preferably Ravenclaw) but Snape had told him if he had anymore cozy inter house relationships in the Charms corridor closet, after hours, he would be stripped of his prefect status.

To be a Prefect was to have some power. And Draco always liked power; it made people either afraid of you or worship you.

Which he already got too much of, really.

In fact- lately the whole of Hogwarts had been under a romantic spell. You couldn't walk the corridors with out seeing people kiss, hold hands, exchange cute little love notes, etc. Draco thought it excessively disgusting. He personally believed in lust, not love. He also thought this "love phase" Hogwarts was going through was changing the way people thought. Muggleborn's were now outrageously mingling with purebloods, and there was a nasty rumor Draco heard of Dobby and the Giant Squid...

But to him the worst rumor of all was of a Slytherin that led a certain blood traitor Ginny Weasley in the common room of the proud house of Salazar-freaking- Slytherin himself. How revolting. But by the fact that this tidbit of information came from Pansy, it was most likely untrue.

"Well I think I'll go up to the dormitories now... you know we have classes tomorrow and everything." Draco announced, to no one in particular. He was about to make his way up the staircase that led to the dormitories until he saw Goyle and Pansy together, walking up the stairs with naughty looks in their eyes that suggested that they were up to no good. He toyed with the idea of what their baby might look like, if protection failed, and grimly decided on a pug-faced troll. He mentally kicked Goyle were it hurt the most to prevent the existence of their love child any time soon.

From the corner of his eye he saw a flicker of light. He turned to see Blaise sitting at one of the desks, quickly writing something down paper. He walked up to him and peered over his shoulder, but Blaise was too quick, turning the parchment so Draco couldn't see.

"Draco I thought you were going to bed."

"Zambini please don't try to be my mother. Although I have to admit, you do have the same cheekbones, what are you doing anyway?"

"Just writing my transfiguration essay."

"Another one? I distinctly remember you boasting about finishing it in class yesterday..."

"OK Draco, you can see right through me." He said sarcastically as he threw his hands up in defeat. "I'm writing a letter to Professor Snape about our little mud blood problem. Don't worry about it, I'll get you out of this mess." Draco had no idea what the freak he was going on about.

"What in the trolls-freaking'- trousers are you talking about Blaise?"

"Oh, Goyle didn't tell you eh? I told him not to forget, but I guess he did. I got some very disturbing news for you Draco..."

"You God Damn tart Zambini, what the hell is going on? Did Snape find out about my personal needs in the Room of-"

"No, not that... Well I hate to be the bearer- of- bad- news, but you must tutor that revolting mudblood Hermione Granger. Snape told me to tell you, I just didn't want you to - well I didn't want you having a _tantrum_. But Draco please try to understand, I am only the messenger."

"Cut the crap Blaise, If Snape wanted me to tutor, he would have just asked me himself. Oh yeah and what the hell, Granger doesn't need tutoring, thought the crackpot was kidding about that, " Draco yelled the last bit, conveniently into Blaise's ear. Everybody in the room kept ignoring Draco, they were used to his temper tantrums, "and I wont go anyway. I wont! I wont! I wont!" he added, for good measure.

"I do think Snape wanted to avoid- you know, this. And He will take away your prefect badge, told me himself. If I were you mate, I'd just get over with it. Plus you could always make her life feel like a miserable hell. That's always fun isn't it?"

"Fun? Fun? Zambini you worthless imbecile! I will be helping Granger with useless information while you are- you are-, well whatever it is that you Zambini's do! Is that fun? Do you know what I think is fun Blaise, you utter, utter, prat? Your pretty, pretty head nailed to the common room wall! Does that sound like fun to you?"

"No Mr. Malfoy sir -ahem- sorry to be the fateful messenger once again, but you are to arrive in the dungeons every other day for two weeks, starting tomorrow at 8:00pm, ending at 9:00 pm. Again, remember," Blaise ducked as he dodged a pawn from a couple of terrified looking first year's chess game, pelted by Malfoy, "I'm just the messenger."

"Just the messenger my lovely white pureblood ass! A full hour at one time spent with a mudblood! I will make you pay for this Zambini you unworthy Slytherin man-whore, I will have you hang from the side of the building by the flesh of your back, I will-" To say Draco's rant was never ending was an understatement, but fortunately Blaise left the Slytherin common room running while being yelled at by Draco the "Dragon", as he was now called when flying on his new broomstick, the Firebolt 3000, which had now been cursed to chase Blaise until he was out of the common room, by his owner.

* * *

Blaise casually stepped out of the opening in the blank wall and into the dungeon hallway.

_"Muffliato!" _

He saw Potter use this spell in the hallways once and thought it appropriate now. Even though no one was in the halls, there was always the slight chance that someone might creep up on him and- ...his attention was averted to the attractive witch whom he was waiting for.

_She'll be happy; I've finally succeeded this time. In no time Malfoy will be in my clutches._

**A/N:.oOo.Thanks for the three reviews last chapter! All though not much, they boosted my ego a little to make me post this! I would love some more reviews, hey, what author doesn't? There isa reason whyfanfiction's are in chapter format...**

**The next chapter is called: "Hogwarts, Most Lovely?"**

**and for future reference, Hogwarts is not under a love spell, kids are just growing up! ... and that would be too cliche,even for muah. **


	4. Chapter 4

A Hogwarts, Most Lovely?

Hermione pushed the door handle of her dormitory with a big sigh.

_What is happening to Hogwarts? _

Ever since they came back from Dinner, everyone had been acting weird. OK, it was way before Dinner. The past couple of weeks at the school had been a complete disaster. Hermione had come to learn, not to date. Isn't that why everybody else came? Apparently not. Hermione thought sixth year at Hogwarts would be studying for N.E.W.T.S., hard- to- brew potions, non-verbal spells and so on. Now she was learning that the free periods they were given was not used for studying purposes, it was used for romantic purposes...

She plopped down on her comfy four-poster and settled on top of her pillow. Today was the worst day of being at Hogwarts since she had common back. She almost wished that she would have stayed home and missed the train. She turned to her side as she recalled the happenings after dinner...

Hermione was sitting on the cozy couch in the Gryffindor Commons with Ron and Harry's Transfiguration essays on the newly discovered tactics and ideas featured in _Theories of Tran substantial Transfiguration _in her lap as she quickly read and corrected them. Of course Harry and Ron were not spending any of their _own_ time doing their _own_ homework. Lately they weren't even asking her for help, they just gave her some parchment with poorly written words and it was expected of her to do the work. Of course, she had to make up two completely different essays since they couldn't possibly turn in the same one.

The things people did for friendship. Lavender Brown, who Hermione noted, was quite the -erm- popular girl in Gryffindor Tower, walked into the room, and exclaimed that it was hot, to which Ron replied with a "baby your hot."

Needless to say they got quite -erm- friendly as the night drew to a closing, and Hermione could not stand the sight of them two all over each other. It was utterly disgusting. How can two people go at it for that long and not come up for air? She had left two unfinished essays next to Harry who was asleep on one of the chairs next to the fireplace. Being Captain of the Quidditch team took a toll on The Chosen One.

And Hermione wasn't angry about this random hook-up... she was just, surprised that's all. It was just a month ago, the week before school had started, when Hermione was at the burrow, Fred or George, clever as she is couldn't tell them apart, came up to her and said that periwinkle colored top she was wearing suited her well. Ron out of nowhere springs up and punches him while screaming something that sounded like "MY HERMIONE!"

_Boys_, she thought, _as unpredictable as the girl they fancy next... _

"Hermione! Hermione! Where are you?" cried a voice from a distance.

"Here" she replied dully.

"Oh, sorry didn't see you there... letter from that greasy-haired, long-nosed, no good son-of-a..." Parvati came into view. She had recently been caught cheating on a quiz in Potions and had to serve numerous hours of detention scrubbing rust from old cauldrons, muggle-style.

"Note? From Snape? Can I see it?"

"Wait a second, its somewhere in here...ahh found it!" Hermione reached for the note in Parvati's outstretched hand. It read this:

Miss Granger,

Meet in my office at 8:00 pm sharp for tutoring lessons.

- Professor Snape

Hermione gasped, she completely forgot. She did not need any tutoring lessons and Snape knew it too, she just thought he was kidding about that...

"Hey Hermione, are you feeling okay, you don't look to well?"

"I'm fine Parvati nothing to worry about." Hermione nervously laughed as she bit the inside of her lip so hard she could taste the blood.

"Okay... but Hermione, I've been meaning to ask you... did you want to double date with me and Cormac next week at Hogsmeade?"

"You and Cormac? I thought he was with Susan Bones?"

"Yea, well no," Parvati giggled "apparently she wasn't able to _supply_ all of his _necessities_."

"Uh...Sorry Parvati, but I can't. I don't have anyone to go with."

"Oh, I already thought of that. Seamus said that he'd like to be your date."

"Date?" Hermione choked a little.

_Seamus wanted to date her when they barely talked to each other?_

"But just as friends of course..Um.. Right?"

"Well I don't know it might lead to more than that Hermione. Honestly, I think it would be good for you." Parvati winked at her.

"Parvati really-"

"I know, I know, thank me later. Praise me about how good of a friend I am later, please. I have beauty sleep to tend to. Good night." And with that she closed her curtains tightly.

"Parvati I'm serious, I have to study for- for all the N.E.W.T classes I'm taking.. Parvati... Parvati!" It was no use; she was snoring as loud as a hippogriff. Hermione would have to try and make an excuse later. A date.. With Seamus? She chuckled under her breath. Parvati was mental sometimes... and with that she fell asleep.

* * *

"Michelle, you know you are the only for me, I only ever do this with someone as special as you."

"Oh Draco, you must be telling the truth..."

"Oh Nichelle-"

"My name is Michelle!"

"Yes, well I forgot your name because of the -er- honey-colored ness of you eyes. Really, they are beautiful..."

"Oh Draco you are toooooo cute!"

"No Nichelle you are toooooo cute!" The door of the closet they were sitting in swung open.

"Draco I thought you were supposed to meet me here, who is that?" whined the distant voice of Marietta Edgecombe.

"Yes, I know, but this young lady over here dropped her earring in her mouth. I was just helping her find it with my tongue..."

"YOU CHEAT! YOU LIAR! HOW DARE YOU!" the girl ran out of the closet in tears followed closely by Marietta who gave him and Avada-Kedavra look as she slammed the door in his face.

_Damn Ravenclaws, too smart for their own good. _

**A/N: I have a couple devoted reviewers, but still I, like any author would be, am still unquenched for my horrible thirst for reviews. If no one really likes it, whats the point of going on? SO if you do enjoy this fic, please please review! I would love to hear the good, the bad and theugly (although ugly can't really be heard..) andespecially your thoughts on what youwould like to happen, and some criticism.**

**I know, I know I am a very selfish author! **

**HAPPY REVIEWING! **


	5. Chapter 5

A Lovegood-Zambini Disappearing Act 

Hermione sat down at breakfast and got herself some poached eggs on toast while reading, again, _Hogwarts, A History_. She left early without "the hero and his side-kick" mainly because of their, well, extremely personal displays of affection towards their "girlfriends". It was disgusting, and Hermione felt like she could never keep a meal down if they were there.

"Hey, look at the Daily Prophet it says-," exclaimed Harry, while he and Ginny took seats next to Hermione, holding each other's hands.

"Ssh, hold on... it says here '... the gargoyle in the left corner of the Potions classroom that shoots water from it's mouth into a basin was bought and placed there by Phineas Nigelles Black.' They spelled 'Nigellus' wrong! I always new there was something off about pg. 52!"

"...yeah... but Hermione, look it says that Luna has been missing from school, and she can't be found!"

"What! That's impossible! Just last week I caught her selling "anti-werewolf" plants that are banned in all of the Northern Hemisphere!" The-knew-she-knows-its-all shrugged of Harry's strange idea. "You can never tell with the Daily Prophet, there always going on about something Harry, and if Luna was gone missing, don't you think Dumbledore would have told-;"

"Silence!"

She stopped mid-sentence with toast hanging from her mouth. Albus Dumbledore stood on the podium, and commanded respect from all the students. And whenever the headmaster spoke the hall would turn quiet within a second. This was not done out of fear, but out of respect.

"I have very grave news for all of you today. A student has been missing," Gasps of shock flew throughout the room and chatter spread like wildfire. The headmaster's bluntness never seemed so brilliant. A student...was missing? It was unimaginable.

"Luna Lovegood has been unaccounted for since yesterday, and I'm afraid that her whereabouts remain a mystery to the ministry and I-;"

"Damn the Ministry, the bloody chickens!" yelled a voice in the crowd of students.

"Yes, yes Mr. Warrington, I shall ask you to please wait until I am done to voice your political opinions. Where was I? Ah yes, I can assure you that the minister and myself will not press charges on any student who knows anything about the location of Ms. Lovegood. All though the recent events have been a scare to us all, I assure you that Hogsmeade trips are still on. Go on with your breakfast, to tame your powers, you must nourish it!" Chatter rose up in an instant. Words of fear sprang in some mouths, while words of laughter rang in others. People were torn between thinking this was some crazy Deatheater plan or if "Loony" Lovegood finally had gone completely insane and found some way out of the castle.

"I always new she was strange. That Luna was starting to grow on me... really a shame she got herself lost. Kind of like Bertha Jorkins-" grinned Ron who had finally decided to roll out of bed.

"Ron! Bertha Jorkins was killed by You-Know-Who!"

"Well you know what I meant... hey look Mum's sent me some sweets!"

"There not for you Ronald, there for me!" interjected Ginny as she grabbed Ron's parcel. She flew out the door before Ron could question her.

"That girl is way to into candy..."

Hermione scanned the Great Hall. Parvati wasn't in sight. She had to tell her before tomorrow, the Hogsmeade trip, or else Seamus would think he had been stood up, since Hermione did not plan to go to Hogsmeade at all. She looked the Gryffindor table up and down until she caught Seamus's eyeing her rather disturbingly, then quickly looked down at her book till she left for class.

"Hey Seamus! Want to join me and Neville in the Shrieking Shack this Saturday?" asked Dean, not knowing of Seamus's plans. "Were seeing how long we can stay without running out screaming." Seamus looked over at Neville who gave a weak smile indicating that he would rather shave his head, get a flobberworm and move to Scandinavia.

"Boys, boys, boys... when will you ever learn? We are sixth years now. Do you understand what that means?"

"Lots of studying?"

"Neville, you innocent, innocent child, no. It means girls. And I got me self a hot date in Hogsmeade."

"Who?" The two boys questioned in unison.

"Hermione"

"Hermione?" Neville and Dean looked at each other with raised eyebrows, each wondering how Seamus could consider that book of girl a "hot date".

"Yes Hermione. I bet under those loads of textbooks, piles of quills and stacks of parchment, Hermione is a naughty caterpillar waiting to burst from the cocoon. I just have to open it for her... Later losers." Seamus licked his fingers and smoothed his eyebrows as he strutted off to Charms class. Dean and Neville followed closely, still wondering how Seamus could be so daft when it came to girls.

Neville tripped over his shoelaces and fell right on top of Blaise Zambini, sitting on the floor in a corner, who was staring at a cauldron, wand pointed and muttering incantations. He finally noticed Neville, who was looking at him suspiciously.

"Boo!" Blaise shouted.

"Don't cry." Neville answered sarcastically. He had picked up a few things from Dean and Seamus and was not afraid to use them.

"Can-, can you see me?" he stuttered, apparently surprised.

"Why wouldn't I be able to? If your planning on becoming a ghost, I suggest you kill yourself first. Preferably with a blunt ax to your throat, like Sir Nicholas over there." Score one for Longbottom. The Gryffindor walked away, proud of what he had just accomplished, until he realized he was shoeless on one foot, and went back to were he tripped to try and find his shoe before class started. He found it all right, but when he went back, Zambini had disappeared along with his cauldron.

_Now that was odd, _he thought, _since they were the only ones in the Great Hall, I would've noticed him walk out.  
_

He walked towards the Charms corridor, hoping that Blaise had really followed his suggestion about the blunt-axe...

A/N: Thanks to reviewers! So… what do you think will happen next? What do you want to happen next? Do review… maybe I'll use your ideas! Criticism is always welcomed! Next chappie is titled The First Of Many Lessons To Come.  PS: I'm sorry there isn't that much DHr yet, but I kind of want to take this slow… 


	6. Chapter 6

The First of Many Lessons to Come

"Ah Draco, five minutes early. Now I don't want you and Ms. Granger fighting too much, I know why you wanted to do this." Snape turned around and packed a few potions items in his briefcase.

"Wanted, sir? It was you who _asked_ me to come here."

"Well, your friend, Zambini, told me that you volunteered. Mr. Malfoy, don't try to lie and get out of it. For the next two weeks you will be tutoring Ms. Granger on the uses of Euphoria Elixir. Any questions?" Draco was not stupid enough to say any more. If it there was one person that he did not argue with, it was Snape.

"I have to leave you two unattended, there is a nasty case in the Great Hall. Apparently someone had thought it would be funny to completely engorge large spot on the Great Hall floor with pornography magazines that won't come off. They think it was done with some kind of potion, so want me to check on it..." As Snape kept rambling on Draco thought of many ways to murder/ torture Blaise.

_Why would Blaise do such a horrendous, monstrous, deathly, disgusting thing and tell that lack of hygiene I wanted tutor that prissy Beaver? No… more importantly how the hell am I going to kill that Zambini. Hmm… Hell… fire... burning… Aha! I'm going to burn his skin, and when there's no more left, I'm going to add another layer of skin and when there's no more left of that, I'm going to add another layer... _

_

* * *

_

_Oh God, Oh God, Oh God, please don't make this any harder than it will be... or please let Snape be obliviated and forget about Extra-Potions... whichever is fine._

Hermione whispered a silent prayer before knocking on the professor's door.

"Come in." Erupted the monotonic voice that was Snape.

_Come on Hermione, you have two choices. Walk in and slowly be killed by the minutes wasted, precious time were you could be studying or run away, away from Hogwarts and be free and study as much as you want..._

Finding it hard to decide, Hermione just stood their, being anything but a brave Gryffindor. The door swung open and out stepped Snape.

"Ah Ms. Granger, I unfortunately forgot to put in my letter that Draco will be tutoring you." Snape pushed the door outwards more and she saw Malfoy in the back, poking his finger into some nasty-looking pickled animal.

_I should have ran..._

"Excuse me? Sir I do not think that Mal-"

"I think you heard me Ms. Granger. You - will - be- tutored - by - Malfoy." He spoke the words slow and mockingly, as if she were deaf, as he proceeded to walk forward. "And by all means, you will not sneak out of the room, or leave early. If I find out that you do, I will greatly extend the tutoring time. "

"Wer- were are you going?" Hermione stammered. She would rather not be in a room alone with Draco. The potions master pretended to not hear her as he strolled down the hall, a little giddier than he would have normally been. No doubt he was amused at the little dilemma Hermione was faced with.

_God must be on vacation..._

"He's selectively deaf, you know."

_Ok, just ignore him, and maybe he'll go away, or be avada kedvra'd... either one would do..._

She quietly put down her bag at the table were her and Harry sat normally, and took out her cauldron and potion ingredients.

"And apparently you are too."

Ignoring him, she lit a flame under her cauldron and began chopping ingredients.

"Hey! I'm the tutor and I didn't tell you to take out your cauldron yet."

The brunette gritted her teeth and with a wave of her wand her cauldron emptied and the flame went dead.

"Well you, little grasshopper, are a fast learner. _Now _you may take out your cauldron."

_The nerve of that wizard. _

Again she took out her cauldron and ingredients.

"Nah, just kidding. Put your cauldron away... Take it out... Put it away... Out... Away...Ou-;"

"SHUT UP!"

"No my young pupil, I'm the one who gives orders around here..."

"Ok fine Malfoy, you win, what do you want me to do?" She took deep breaths and tried to keep calm.

"Hmm. I don't know, how about… hop on one foot and bark like a dog?" She glared at him with the utmost loathing look she could muster up, which clearly stated that she would be doing nothing of the sort.

"Disobeying authority?" Draco's eyebrows shot up in mock surprise. "Well that's unexpected from you, teachers-pet."

"Malfoy, why don't we just make this easier on both of us and spend this time of ours, doing something else. You and I both know that I don't need this."

"No" he responded plainly, walking towards her table.

"And why not?"

"I have to disagree with everything you say, sorry it's in my _blood._"

"Oh ha-ha very funny...Malfoy did you just _apologize _to me?"

"What? No! Never."

"You said the word 'sorry'"

"That was just put in there to make my line sarcastically witty!"

"So you _do_ practice those clever insults. I've wondered about that ever since I met you."

"Just... be quiet." His cheeks tinted pink as he realized he had been beaten at his own game.

"Yes, tutor." Hermione fake smiled at him and took out her Herbology textbook. The rest of the hour was spent in silence, with the occasional cough and sniffle. Hermione read her book and Draco feel asleep.

They both left without saying a word to each other

* * *

**A/N: I know some of you are wondering about what happened to Luna and I promise you, you'll find out in about 3 chapters! Sorry, but it's the fastest way I could fit it in! But she does have a pretty big part near the end... **

**So... did you like it? Did you think it was horrible? _Do tell!_**


	7. Chapter 7

Seamus' Hot Date

Hermione awoke with the satisfaction of knowing that is was the weekend. She got out of bed, made it, and walked to the washroom. Splashing cold water on her face, she decided that she should go with Harry and Ron to Hagrids. They hadn't visited since the day they came... Plus she could catch up with the rest of the trio, it seemed like they hadn't talked for a while now with them having different schedules, quidditch practices and girlfriends between them. She reached for her brush and looked in the mirror, about to comb her hair, also known as the morning struggle with the bush on top of her head. But something was different...

_Yes God! You do exist! My hair is straight and smooth and soft and perfect... _

"Like it?" Parvati walked into the room with a smile of accomplishment. "Took me nearly an hour to do! And it would have been a lot easier if you hadn't been moving around."

"What?"

"Your hair Hermione. What did you think God decided to redo his mistake that is the top of your head, no offence…"

_Yes..._

"You put a straightening charm on my hair! Parvati it looks great! But... why?"

"Well aren't you a thankful little witch."

"Oh right, _thank you, _but why did you do this for me? And why did you wait till I fell asleep?"

"I didn't want you to refuse. " Hermione was still confused. "Today... Hogsmeade...Seamus...date... recalling anything Hermione?" A cold surge went through her, like she swallowed a huge lump of ice. She had completely forgotten about the...date.

"Parvati, about that, I can't go."

"Don't tell me that... So I just straightened your hair for nothing!"

"Parvati I- it's just. Oh gosh Parvati, I can't go on a date! I mean, it's been almost two years since the Yule ball. _Two years!" _admitted Hermione, sitting down in Parvati's vanity chair, fingering her hair. It was rare for her to speak about her inner worries with Parvati, but she never talked to Harry or Ron anymore...

"Oh Hermione! I know! That's why Ginny asked me to take you with Cormac and me, she knew you were feeling lonely under all those textbooks. You need to have some fun! What say?" Hermione stood up, and had a defiant look, as she started to pick out clothes from her drawer.

"OK, I'll go."

"Atta girl Hermione! I knew you'd pull through..."

_Harry has Ginny, Ron has Lavender, Parvati has Cormac, and who do I have? No one. OK Hermione, it's time to get realistic, you might as well take it as if it's your last. Plus it would be a shame if you let this straight hair go unseen..._

And with that thought, she changed and headed out the dormitory with Parvati.

* * *

"Ahaha Cormie- poo, your sho shweet! I lurve your little nose, and little eyes, and little mouth, and little ears and... Seamus! Seamus Over here!" Parvati motioned to where her, Hermione and Cormac were seated, in the Three Broomsticks.

Hermione was devastatingly bored.

She couldn't bear anymore of Cormac's many stories of his million saves as a Keeper and Parvati's "lurve" for all of Cormac's facial features. She was _very_ happy to see Seamus walk in.

"Sorry for being so late, you guys, I was just so nervous, its my first _real _date if you don't count cousin Lucy..." he chuckled nervously and snorted.

"Wow Hermione, you did your hair! All for me I bet. Am I right?"

_You wish_...Hermione thought as Madam Rosmerta came by and took their order, which was four butterbeers. A quarter of an hour came and went, when Parvati and Cormac asked to excuse themselves, with no complaints of the remaining two.

"So you love books Seamus?" Hermione was trying to change the subject in hopes of a better start.

"_How the hell did you know that?"_ asked Seamus, popping open his eyes and staring at her as if he were surprised.

"It's written on your shirt." She pointed to the big bold letters that spelled "I 3 BOOKS"

_As if he didn't know. I have never seen a person in my whole entire life try so damn hard._

"Umm Seamus? I have to go to the toilets. I'll be right back."

"Oh let me get that for you _darling!_" Seamus stood up in a very Gryffindor-ish way of chivalry to pull out her chair, but forgot that his butterbeer was still in one hand. The whole lot of it spilled all over Hermione's skirt, slowly spreading a big white stain over her thigh.

_I could have predicted this. Way to get back in the dating world Hermione..._

"Damn! Hermione I'll get that off, hold on let me find my wand..."

"No, really its OK, I'll just do it myself-;" assured Hermione, desperately trying to avoid Seamus's bad spell work.

_"Evanesco!"_

Fire began to erupt onto Hermione's skirt.

_Trust it from Seamus to mess up a Vanishing Spell. _Hermione thought, as she patted the flames, which didn't hurt at all. The only problem was, they wouldn't go away.

Seamus lunged on to Hermione attempting to smother the flames with his body. She tried all her might to shove him off, tell him that it was OK, that they didn't hurt. But Seamus was, in Draco's words, "selectively deaf". Meanwhile, the whole of the Three Broomsticks stood up and watched the strange happenings while considerately pointing and laughing. Needless to say that Hermione was cursing herself madly for ever listening to Parvati, that git.

Seamus, in a stroke of what he thought was brilliance (but was really stupidity) tried to grab the flames with his hands. The next thing Hermione new, her skirt had now become 'micro-mini', as Seamus sat there, the denim material in his hands, staring at her thigh.

Hermione ran out of the cafe, covering her absence- of- skirt with her arms, in tears and thanking her lucky stars that she shaved her legs this morning.

* * *

It was very unfortunate for Hermione that the Three Broomsticks was near the back of Hogsmeade.

Still running at top speed, tears leaving long streaks down the side of her face, the little eyeliner she had put on smudged, her forearms desperately covering her upper thigh, she began to feel large rain drops plop down around her.

_Perfect. _

Well this was too much for Hermione, or for anyone actually, to cope with. Losing her balance she tripped and fell on top of a passing body.

_The only lucky thing that happened to me this morning, I'd have probably broken something if I fell on the concrete. At least the person I'm on is nice and plump._

"Get-of—me-you-Hermnani- Hern-nu-ni… what's your name again?"

_Oh Merlin! _

Hermione had fallen a cushion of a human all right, Goyle. She quickly got up, while accidentally flashing passerby's.

"Goyle, you said-you asked a question?" Draco looked like he was shocked. Actually, Draco _was_ shocked, along with the other Slytherins in their party. It was a very rare occasion when Goyle stringed sentences together, much less full questions. Then, all at once they noticed Hermione, who was brushing the dirt-off herself.

"Gees, when Pansy told me all mudbloods were sluts, I thought you were the exception." Sneered Draco, it was a cue for all the others to laugh, which they did in an extremely slytherin-like manner.

"Draco, I told you, under all the frivolity, Hermione's is a naughty little bookworm."

_Frivolity? Goyle making sentences? The Slytherin common must have gotten a dictionary._

But it was true, the "book-worm" did look like a total hoe-bag, all she needed was a pair of stilettos and she could be passed of as a prostitute. And now with the rain her hair was fro-ing up again.

"What price do you offer? A knut?" rang a shrilly voice, from some unknown little third year.

Hermione ran away, continuing to ignore their catcalls, and long bouts of laughter.

**A/N: I totally made up the part of The Three Broomstick at the back of Hogsmeade... Luna will apear in the next chapter! And some mysteries will be discovered. It's titled "Welcome to the dark side, Finny" **

**Well read and review! Criticism is always accepted with an open heart... and again, I'm sorry for taking the DHr ship really, really slow... but thats how I want it!**


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